Old Friends

Posted by SMM on 14:23

Tell me would I be wrong if I was upset with someone who was my closest friend once upon a time and she cut me off after her marriage claiming she was forever busy?

Tell me would I be wrong if I told her that friendship cannot be one-sided and that I have tried enough to maintain it?

Tell me would I be wrong if I told her that I was upset with her for having suddenly cut me out?

Tell me would I be wrong if I told her that she was not the only who had to manage home, a demanding job and in-laws?

Tell me would I be wrong if I told her that I have heard her sorry's so many times now that it makes no difference because she has not acted upon them?

Tell me would I be wrong if I told her that she would have to show me that my friendship means something to her before it can get anywhere close to where it was?

Tell me if I am stupid that I still give her a chance after so many times because I value our friendship, or what it once was?

Tell me if I am wrong in that I still mis her since she was my closest friend and knows me inside-out and vice versa?

18 Comments

Arjun says:

8 April 2009 at 20:42

you're right.... but not 100%!!!!
see - there is this grey area that life operates in.
Don't take extreme stands on right and wrong...nothing is what it seems!!

Rià says:

8 April 2009 at 21:59

Well i dont think u r wrong in anyway!i wud hav done the same thing. We wud react it that way. :)

Rià says:

8 April 2009 at 22:02

hey nice new look babe!!quite like ur new template. :)

Just call me 'A' says:

9 April 2009 at 00:05

You're not wrong honey....I think in any relationship...there is a give and take..there are expectations and there are responsibility. I know EXACTLY what you feel. been there, going through it, asking the same questions and wondering what to do next.
i can never understand this "too busy to keep in touch" funda. I mean, how much time does it take to write a mail...2 lines?, 3 lines?
i miss my friend too and somehow, we don't end up corresponsing at all. i'm tired for being the one to write

Keshi says:

9 April 2009 at 08:00

I can u'stand how u feel SMM. I hv been thru it all myself and wud u believe it my once-upon-a-time closest friend is so distant now that we hvnt talked to each other in years!

It happens. ppl come into our lives and sometimes they leave. priorities change, friendships change, the quality of it all vanishes and times change too. Its tough to accept but it happens SMM. we cannot do anything abt it.

**Tell me would I be wrong if I told her that friendship cannot be one-sided and that I have tried enough to maintain it?

Its true that friendship isnt one-sided, but if it was friendship in the first place then u dun even hv to TRY to maintain it. It will survive all tests of time and events.

If she's a genuine friend, give her time and space. She'll get bak to ya. If she doesnt, then be glad u were once great mates.

I hv learnt to live with losses SMM. Its the only way.

Keshi.

Keshi says:

9 April 2009 at 09:36

SMM I wrote a post inspired by Veni's and ur posts on Friendship. hv a look when u hv time :)

tnxx!

Keshi.

Shilpa says:

9 April 2009 at 20:36

No, no and NO! You have every right to be mad.

♪♪Happy Go Lucky♪♪ says:

9 April 2009 at 22:54

hey i so totally loved this post!!! ive done that to a few people too.. things cant be the same again and we would rather they not be the same and well a bond once broken, to me, remains as such... i have had a friend tell me "im feeling so bad because of you" i felt bad the first couple of times she said that. later i never felt i had to justify my thoughts and if she couldnt understand me, there was no point at all... i mean what sort of person says that to you anyway?

:D btw, i loved your blog. will be a regular here.. :)

Tanuj Lakhina says:

11 April 2009 at 01:57

Heyy SMM! New look! Congrats.

As for the idea of the post,currently in the same situation.Earlier they had time and everything to talk for hours at a stretch and now don't even have a few minutes a day to talk?How long does it take to call or send a lil message before sleeping?Hate when people say they were busy and couldn't talk.C'mon no one is busy all day!

Bull Crap!

SMM says:

13 April 2009 at 15:19

Hey Arjun, there are very few areas in life which are clear cut black and white - most have various shades of grey in them.

However, sometimes there does come a point when you do have to take a stand and let the other person show his/her cards too. No relation can ever be one-sided.

SMM says:

13 April 2009 at 15:21

Hey Ria...thanks. Glad you liked the new look :)

If it was just some random friend,I guess it wouldn't hurt so much but when it is someone you have been so close to, it hurts like hell. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one. I thought I was making a issue of nothing.

SMM says:

13 April 2009 at 15:24

Hey A...ya I know what you mean. I truly don't understand what does one mean by saying 'too busy'.

I can understand that you get busy when there is some important project on at work and your stressed - but not always. I can also understand that marriage does bring about a change in our life, but that cannot be a constant excuse. That only shows me how little you value me that you can't even take out 5 minutes in an entire month.

And giving me attitude by showing I'm very busy and your free so you have the time to write is stupid. If you'v got the time to go for a movie or go pubbing or out with a friend, I fail to understand that you can't get 5 minutes to make a call or send a mail. Ten it onyl shows your laziness and callousness and shows me the relations has become one-sided.

SMM says:

13 April 2009 at 15:28

Hey Keshi, I understand people move on or that we outgrow each other. What I fail to understand is why not tell the other person for the sake of the friendship you once had. I think its grossly unfair and just shows that you never valued my friendship.We all lead hectic lives today, yet we have to make the time for the ones we care about.

It is sad that you have not spoken to your closest friend in years. It does hurt, but then think your better off without her since she never really valued your friendship. Or maybe she will also try one day to get back to being your friend like my friend has done and I had to tell her to prove it to me that she valued me as a friend. I refuse to be taken for granted by anybody - including close friends. there is a certain amount of leeway which they can take, but beyond that is being purely rude.

SMM says:

13 April 2009 at 15:29

Btw commented on your post Keshi - hope you get it this time.

SMM says:

13 April 2009 at 15:30

Thanks for the vote of confidence Shilpa :)

SMM says:

13 April 2009 at 15:35

Hey Harini....welcome to my blog :)

Once a thread has broken and you'v knotted it, that knot always remains how much ever you try.

And I value those friends more who criticize me to to my face and not behind my back. There are some who can't take it. I can't trust them cuz I never know what they'd say about me behind my back. If they feel bad about it then they'r being stupid cuz they don't know what they are missing out on.

Anyway shall see ya around more often now hopefully Harini.

SMM says:

13 April 2009 at 15:37

Hey Tanuj...glad you liked the new look.

Ya I totally fail to understand what does one mean by saying they'r busy 24/7. If you are then its sad that your losing out on life and friends. We have to learn to take time out for each other and if we can't, then at the end of the day it will be their loss when they realise that in their race to the top they no longer have any genuine friends to celebrate with.

Keshi says:

14 April 2009 at 11:53

I agree...she should atleast tell u what's up with her.

Keshi.