Hail Barkha Dutt & NDTV

Posted by SMM on 13:31
Most of us use our blogs an an instrument where we express ourselves freely. We write out our hearts. We bitch, we criticize, we review, we write about life, about ourselves, our families, our tensions, our fears, our loves, out hates. The blogworld witnessed an outpouring of emotion when Taj was attacked and people were still inside, hiding behind chairs and couches trying to protect themselves,waiting to be rescued. Had blogging been that popular when Kargil happened, I am sure we would have witnessed an immense outpour then too.
I wrote about a very bad meal I had sometime back at one of the most famous eating joints in Delhi. I have also written about a book which really touched me and made me think. It's okay if I write that I don't like a movie or a book, but dare anyone say they don't like Barkha Dutt.
Hail Barkha Dutt - the lady (?) journalist who risks her life and limb to bring us news. And if there is no news to bring, she makes news. She shoves her mike into the faces of grieving families for sound-bites. The well-respected journalist. All hail Barkha.
This one "random bloke" sitting at his computer, somewhere in Holland wrote about her 'shoddy and irresponsible journalism' during the Taj seige. How dare he say any such thing? Immediately a legal notice was issued to him and he was made to tender an unconditional apology and withdraw his post.
Yes my dear readers, this is the new law. It is only the great almighty Barkha Dutt and NDTV who have the freedom of expression. We bloggers be damned. We have no right to express our opinion. So think before you write. You may get served with a legal notice. Restrict your opinion, actually from now we'l just get it vetoed by these folks.
Howzzat Barkha? Will that keep you happy? Many of us have critized the 24/7 news coverage and have asked for guidelines to be issued. Oh wait a minute there are Guidelines in place. Oh dear Barkha darling and NDTV, did you these guidelines very clearly state the following:
"While reporting violent events, natural calamities and accidents, appropriate regard must be paid to the feelings of relatives and viewers and inclusion of images of dead or seriously wounded people or gruesome and gory scenes, which may seriously distress or offend substantial number of viewers, should not be included in the telecast. The feelings and sensitivities of grieving relatives or the injured must be respected and interviews avoided."

"Information, which discloses the location of a person’s home or family, should not be revealed without permission, unless it is warranted."

"Repetitive broadcast of file (old ) audio-visuals, which create a distorted picture of reality should be avoided."

So do we the viewers now issued you with a legal notice for flouting the guidelines? Brakha Dutt & NDTV, we the citizens and bloggers will not and shall not be cowed down by your bullying tactics.

For more such lovely posts about Brakha Dutt & NDTV, head over here.


Boys....Look who's Back/ Monkey Business?

Posted by SMM on 12:20
Is it who's back or whose back?

Did anyone miss me? Please be nice and say 'Yes'. It will really make my day to know that I have a dedicated fan following :P

I'v been working at client-site in a nationalized bank for the past couple of weeks. It's been crazy. No loos, no water, no food, no chai-coffee on time (that's the toughest part) and oh, we also had a visit from some of the friendly neighbourhod monkeys, who dropped by to share our lunch.Unfortunately, we were a hungry lot and weren't really in the mood to share our meagre fare of sandwiches so we screamed the house down (not literally - it a sturdy angrezon ke zamane ki building and thankfully not a modern-day construction) and called up a colleague who was elsewhere in the building and he came in with half - a dozen bank officers with lathis in their hands. Yup we'r not particularly friendly when we'r working. We got escorted out by bank officers on either side holding lathis & chairs and what not in their hands. Funny in retrospect. Makes for a great story now - not then. All we could think off at that time was 14 injections if any of them even touched us. As for the loos, as time grew short, we just tied hankies around our noses, held our breath and used the loos there. We also carried our own extension cord, water & coffee. Thankfully we didn't have to carry our own chairs and tables also, though they would have been far far more comfortable. We also has an avid smoker, who to avoid walking a kilometre till the lift, and then going three floors down and then crossing the road, decided to clamber onto a chair, then to an old abandoned cooler, then onto to a ledge from where she would hang on for dear life and smoke through a crack in the glass. Her newly-wed hubby was most certainly not amused by her dedication. 
On a different note though, I fail to understand how people are not and can not be honest with their work. There was another legal team there auditing the same documents as us and they finished their work in 2 days while we took 2 weeks. Being time-efficient is one thing, but missing out on key documents in order to finish your targets is a completely different thing. Some of you may laugh and say we were slow but we'r also thorough, which is the entire essence of an audit/ DD. How can anyone be dishonest with their work?


Sulabh Shauchalaya Zindabad

Posted by SMM on 18:43
Hey people!!!
I'v not been around for a while. Have been at client site doing a DD for the past couple of weeks now. Would you believe it that the data room we have been provided has 3 plug points of which only 1 works, so we carry an extension cord everyday since there are four of us working there. We had to ask for water on our first day, so they provided us with 2 small bisleri bottles, which  we soon finished off. When we asked for it to be refilled, the water looked and tasted weird so I am convinced that  it is tap water. So now we also buy 2 bottles before going in. Apart from that the loo is so filthy that we refuse to use it. We use the Sulabh Shauchalaya across the road and pay 2 bucks per head every time we need to pee. People Sulabh Shuachalayas are pretty well-maintained and I'm talking about one which is behind Janpath and has pretty heavy traffic everyday. So if any of you have offices in and around CP/ Janpath, let me know - would love to meet up for a quick lunch cuz you see they haven't asked us for lunch yet.
We'r just going to send all the bills to the client, including the ones for Sulabh Shauchalaya :P


I Want

Posted by SMM on 15:46
This is one of my favourite posts from my previous blog which I am reproducing here. I had written this about a year back so some of it might be outdated by now:
I Want -
  • To be able to sing like a nightingale (Ok maybe that's wanting a little too much);
  • To be able to to dance without a care in the world;
  • To play my guitar again;
  • To be a geniuis;
  • To win a Nobel Prize;
  • To win the Oscar;
  • To win a Grammy award;
  • To be a star;
  • To own a bright red Mercedes with black leather bucket seats (ya I'l probable swelter in the Delhi heat);
  • To argue a case and create a landmark judgment which students down the ages will have to have have to study (like Keshavanada Bharti, Maneka Gandhi and the Mardia judgments);
  • To do my Doctorate and have a Doctor before my name;
  • To end all the tears in the world;
  • To win a Booker Prize;
  • To tell Matthew Perry "Dude you were sooooo cute in the first couple of seasons - what happned to you after that?"
  • To make sure all the *&^%$##$ b**** get all their bitchiness returned to them with interest;
  • To make up with some friends whom I lost out on cuz of my own stupidness and ego;
  • To find some of my old friends;
  • To read the latest Harry Potter soon to be released NOW;
  • To write my own book (for which I get the Book prize and it also be a huge commercial success and I get oodles of money in royalty);
  • To have a flat tummy;
  • To not worry about putting on weight in the worng places;
  • To be able to be confident and look people in their eyes and say "You know shit"
  • To get rid of all the assholes in the world who don't know how to drive, who drink and drive and then run over people and then think they can get out of the mess by paying off various persons;
  • To make all these idiots responsible for the families of persons whom they ran over for the rest of their f**** lives;
  • To make those idiots so proud of their Daddyji's bags of gold that they are nothing in front of me, cuz I earn my own money and then spend it;
  • To make such idiots earn their own money and realise the value of money and hard work;
  • To sleep all day;
  • To be pampered in the parlour for an entire day;
  • To have two Sundays a week;
  • To ensure a smile on everyone's faces;
  • To make all those self-appointed guardians of religion and society sit for a three hour 200 mark written exam and see how much they actually know about their religion and only if you get more than 90% will they be allowed to continue as certified self-appointed guardians;
  • To have a genie who will fulfil all my wishes;
This reminds me of that song from Yes Boss -
" Chande taare tod laooo
Saari duniya par main chaooo


Right or Wrong?

Posted by SMM on 17:52
A few of us were today called upon to comment on a colleague in office and whether or not we ought to retain him. We are all of the opinion that he is certainly not an asset and has in fact caused tremendous loss to us as a firm - monetary & goodwill. This person also has a wife and a son. 

When asked about his contribution to the firm today by the top boss, I made a frank statement that as a person he is very well-liked, but as a professional he is very severely lacking and compared him to his counterparts in the other offices. We have had alot of problems/chaos professionally because of lack of action on his part. The others agreed with what I said but  we all felt that he ought to be given another chance. The top boss has agreed to give him a month to pull up his socks and no more.
When we came out, the others told me that I should not have said what I said - that he has been around for 3 years and has a family to look after. I stand by what I say. I like him as a person, but as a professional he is lacking and we have all faced embarrassing situations because of him. I cannot sit back and not give my opinion when asked for a frank opinion, but just because he is a family man should I have stayed silent? If he loses his job today, the others say it will be because of me. I don't think I did anything wrong - did I?

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