I almost got picked up for Shoplifting

Posted by SMM on 14:09
Well I'v had an eventful weekend. Whole day at work on Saturday. Then a party that evening where Arjun & MY friend inter se decided that we should stay the night and enjoy rather than put our lives at risk and return home to Gurgaon from NOIDA at some odd hour. Well nice plan. Would have been even nicer if I'd known about it and had carried along my lens solution and case.
Anyway we left from there the next morning, rather noon, picked up an old college friend of mine who was in Delhi for the weekend and went home. It's really nice when old friends come over. We'v seen each other through so much shit and messy rooms and empty pockets that well...it's nice to catch up. I also caught up with another old friend who brought his new girlfriend over to my friend's place at NOIDA at 1 am to meet me for about 15 minutes (I threatened to issue a fatwa if he didn't come meet me). I was really happy to see them and even happier to see that my friend (who broke up about a year back from a relationship of 5 years and didn't really take it too well) has now moved on. He's lost weight, cut down on the booze, become a major workaholic and well...things going good for him now :)

So my other friend (the one who had come over - we were all in college together) came, we chatted, caught up, had great fun, had a nice sumptious tandoori chicken n burra kebab lunch. 
Anyway so now comes the part where I almost got picked up for shoplifting. Arjun took me out for dinner & shopping to a mall near our house (he abandons me to go sit in the bookshop/ electronics store while I do my shopping and when I'm done we got eat). So the lovely lady that I am had dressed in a hurry in a top which I was not in the mood to wear. I had worn a simple blue top and was in the mood for something more flamboyant. I walked into a shop and fell in love with a lovely flowy maroon top which I tried on. It fit me and my mood perfectly. So I decided to wear that only and asked the saleswoman to pack what I had been wearing since I would wear this and go. She was more than happy to do that. I paid the bill and walked out clutching the bag to go meet Arjun who was in a bookshop at the other end of the mall (the mall boasts of having a floor which is 1 km in length. As soon as I entered the bookshop there was a beep and immediately two security guards blocked my way. I thought they had blocked someone else and tried to walk past them from the side. The stopped me and asked me to come to one side. I complied wondering what this was all about. Immediately they started the good cop - bad cop routine asking me "Where did you get the top from?" Comprehension dawned. So I told them that I had just bought it and had worn that only. Nope they weren't buying that so I showed them the bill. They tell me the bill is for the clothes in the bag, not what I was wearing. You see the saleswoman had forgotten to remove the electronic tag from the garment.I somehow persuaded them that I had not flicked the top, stepped outside the shop, called Arjun out and then we went back to the shop from where I had bought it where I proceeded to give the saleswoman a earful of how terribly embarrassed I had been and then she removed the offending tag.
Then Arjun and me go to another store where he had seen some speakers for the house which he wanted me to see. Beep beep. again I get called out and asked to show the bill. The brilliant saleswoman had removed one tag, there was another tag inside which had not been removed. Again I had to run back to the shop and get that offending tag removed. Ughhhhh I was soooooo embarassed.Anyway finally all tags removed. Arjun was sooooooo pissed with me. I got him back to his usual charming cute loving affectionate self again cuz I gifted him a speaker that he had been coveting (All the better for hearing the dishoom dishoom in action movies my dear).

We proceeded for dinner where we had sushi as a starter. This was the first time that I had sushi (Well I love to eat, but I prefer to eat only that which I have eaten earlier. I'm not very adventurous when it comes to food). I tried one piece of the sushi. It wasn't bad but the raw fish bit was sounding very loudly in my head and almsot made me barf. So I stuck to the wasabi and the ginger pickle bit only after that - skipped the sushi.

Back to work today with a break again tomorrow (I love midweek holidays) for Diwali.

Happy Diwali Folks...play safe with the crackers and hog on the mithai. And don't forget the rangoli and the lamps to welcome Lakshmi home.


Wordzzle Saturday

Posted by SMM on 15:23
The words this week are build-a-bear workshop, man bites dog, opulent, disparaging, lipstick stain, preponderance, smoky quartz, clothes pin, meticulous, falling leaves.

For those of you are not aware of this please refer to Raven’s site.

“Wowwww….Grandpa weren’t you one clever dude hiding away behind your newspaper all day.”

She suddenly snatched the pendant back from my hand. “How do I know your really who you say you are and are not one of them?” I noticed that she had a lipstick stain on her sleeve.

“Them? “

“Who them?”

“Them from whom I was to hide it. He told me they would come so I had to keep it safe. He said that he would come get it from me. If he didn’t come his son would come. ”

“I can show you proof that I am Shamsher Singh’s grandson. My grandfather died two months back. While going through his papers we found your name and a very old address of yours.”

I miss my grandfather. He was a tall big built man, very quiet. He liked to shock my grandmother by printing out newspaper headlines like “Man bites Dog” from our old press who would always get taken in by the prank. He was a meticulous man with a preponderance for hiding away in his makeshift lab behind the house puttering away. He was way ahead of his times. He had discovered the electrical qualities of smoky quartz in the 1930s though some German guy won a Nobel for it some 40 years later. He was disparaging of any show of opulence and lived in the simplest manner. He was a great believer of the ‘“Simple Living High Thinking” philosophy. He was very particular about his clothes and his trousers would have a sharp crease running straight down the front leg. Only my grandmother knew the trick to do it with a clothes pin. As a grandpa he was the best. I used to sneak off in the evenings and go scrunching through the fallen leaves in the backyard behind his window since he loved the sound of the crunching. He had even taken me to a build-a-bear workshop onetime in London and we had made a tiger together, which I still have and carry with me today.
“Where have you disappeared young man? Are you trying to make up some story?”

I burst out. “Mam, I don’t know how to convince you that I am Shamsher Singh’s grandson. I can show you photographs. They’r in my bag below in the car. I really need that pendant that you’re playing with so carelessly contains the formula to turn organic waste into fuel. When he met you on that cruise in Egypt he was on the run from some bad guys who wanted it for their own selfish purpose of launching rockets over various countries to get world power and dominion. At that time my grandfather gave it to you to keep the formula safe. We had no idea that he had given it to you. We found him after 2 years of him being on the run and brought him home just on time. He had lost his memory and regained it after about a year but he had completely forgotten about those two years. He had no recollection whatsoever of it. We got to know that he had given it to you only when I came across an old diary of his in a second hand bookshop recently and since then I have been tracing you. I really need that formula Mam.”

“Likely story indeed. Well if your Sam’s grandson stand on your head.”

“Excuse me? Stand on my head? What will that prove?”

“Well since your putting on a show I thought I’ll be entertained some more.”

“Mam, I am not joking neither am I making up any stories. I really need that formula.”

“So that you can sell it and make money?”

There was no way out. I had to do it. I suddenly threw the plate of wings on her, grabbed the pendant and ran out. No way was she going to follow me with her arthritic legs.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha…World domination. Here I come. The money and power are all going to be mine. Obama, McCain whoever’s going to be the next guy in the white House is going to be kissing my feet to get the formula. My grandfather was a good man but very simple. I subscribe to the “High Living No thinking” philosophy. And thanks to Grandpa I can live exactly as per my philosophy.

Heee haaa haaa haa haaa (Evil laughter)

Okie so I’m done with Sam’s story folks. I did take some liberties here and there. Please excuse those bits as writer’s license.

For those interested here are the previous links:
Part I


From Worse to Worst

Posted by SMM on 17:49
First we had riots on the grounds of religion - Muslims v/s Hindus, Hindus v/s Sikhs, Hindus v/s Christians. 
Wasn't that enough?  Now we fight on grounds of parochialism also.

Marathi manoos v/s Bihari/ UP Bhaiyas?

Politicians like Raj Thackeray and Mamata Bannerjee are going to take the country to the dogs. In their so-called misplaced parochialism and rights of farmers etc...they end up causing more harm to their own state. What exactly is Raj Thackeray going to achieve by driving out all the non-Marathi maoos  from Bombay?  Will he also be able to drive out the huge number of students studying in Pune & Bombay?  Does he forget that many of the prominent persons of Bombay are not actually Marathis - Ambanis, Shahrukh Khan, Amitabh Bachchan, Alque Padamsee, Prahlad Kakkar, Deepak parekh, Tatas, Birlas, Mafatlals, Wadias etc. Some of them have been born and brought up in Mumbai, but they are not Marathis. An irony of sorts is that Raj Thackeray is being represented by one Mr. Akhilesh Choubey who is a North Indian.

Now I hear Mayawati wants to be the next Prime Minister - she wants to play on her Dalit and woman card. The day Mayawati becomes PM, visiting foreign delegations will have to learn to give 10% commission to her. Reliable sources in her Ministry have told me that Mayawati has siphoned off money to the tune of Rs. 500 crores from the State coffers. Yes, Rupees 500 crores. I didnn't even know that UP made that much money. I can believe 5 crores or even 50 crores? But 500 crores? And I have heard it from someone who knows what he is talking about
and is not shooting in the air.

I say we shoot all our politicians and place an order for a fresh batch. And this time we do it right. We have entrance tests and training for 4 - 5 before we can become a lawyer or an engineer or a doctor or an IAS officer. Hell today even a peon in any reputable firm has to be a graduate. How can half educated, vote bank appeasing politicians ever claim to understand working and running of our country? 

We ought to have some kind of an entrance test and training before one can become a politician. Indian History, the Constitution of India and Economics should be compulsory subjects. And before one can represent any constituency, he ought to be interviewed by the people of that constituency. What say folks?



Posted by SMM on 15:15
Hey guys...just dropping by to say Hi to all of you. Awfully caught up in work. I am upto my head with drafting - I have to finish 1 reply, 1 rejoinder, 5 petitions and 1 opinion by the end of this week. Wish me luck. Sorry for not dropping by your blogs too much, please bear with me for this week.


Dugga Dugga

Posted by SMM on 00:28
Arjun and me are in Calcutta this week. We'r down to celebrate Pujo. For a Bengali there is only one Pujo - Durga Pujo. The entire city is lit up for thes eten days. Its like a carnival in the city for 5 days.
Durga Ma also represents Shakti. According to Hindu mythology, a demon by the name of Mahishahura prayed to Lodr Shiva who pleased with his penance gave him a boon that he culd be killed by no man. Mahishashura then started his reign of terror. He even attacked the abode of the Gods.The Gods took refuge with Lord Brahma, who conspired with Lord Vishnu and Lord Shiva. The three Gods prayed and from them was born a woman who had the power to kill Mahishashura - Durga. She was born from the energy of not only the Holy Trinity ( Brahma, Shiva & Vishnu), but also that of the other Gods. The Gods gifted her with weapons to kill Mahishashura. Bedecked with weapons and jewels, Durga was ready to wage battle. The demon army of Mahishashura was struck by down by Her. Her breath would replenish Her armies bringing back to life her dead soldiers. The demons were running helter skelter. At this point Mahishashura took on the form of a demonic buffalo and charged at Her soldiers. Durga ma threw her noose around him but Mahishashura assumed the form of a lion. When Durga Ma beheaded the lion, he again managed to escape taking the form of a man. He then tok off the shape of a wild elepahant, and finally went back to his form of a demonic buffalo. He hid himself in the mountains from where he hurled boulders at Durga with his horns. Durga drank the divine nectar, the gift of Kuber. She then pounced on Mahishasura, pushing him to the ground with her left leg. She grasped his head in one hand, pierced him with her sharp trident held in another, and with yet another of her ten hands she wielded her bright sword, beheading him. At last he fell dead, and the scattered surviving remnants of his once invincible army fled in terror.The battle raged for nine days and nine nights. The final day is the day of Bijoya Dashami - the 10th Day when Durga Ma was victorious. This is the story which every year we get to hear on All India radio at 4 am - the Mashishashura Mardini.
We celebrate this nine day period in Bengal also as the ten days when Durga Ma comes to Earth with her children - Lakshmi, Saraswati, Ganesh & Kartik to visit her parents each year during the season of Sharad (Autmn).
Well that's just a little for now to tell you all why we celebrate Durga Pujo. The complete image of Goddess Durga represent destruction of evil and protection of good. She is a symbol of strength for women. She symbolises Shakti (Strength). A woman is capable of giving birth, of being gentle, loving and caring, of being a mother but dare anyone threaten her family and children, she can also become Durga - she can also rid this earth of evil.


Wordzzle Saturday

Posted by SMM on 16:55
Well heloo folks…I’v been away for Wordzzle for a while. Blame it on work. I just couldn’t find the time to think and one week became two and then three. I’m basically continuing where I left off:

The words this week are tattletale, homogeneous, flighty, cornucopia, plethora, militant, lovelorn, myopic, digitalized, mute.

The Old Horse seemed to be awfully flighty jumping from one topic to another with no connection whatsoever. It was hard keeping up with her. I was wondering how to tackle her and get her to answer the one question I had come so far to get the answer to.

“You know Young Man, you ought to be enjoying your days here in the Americas rather than sitting here with me. What is it that you here for? If you’re here to steal something, well there is nothing. If you had to kill me you would have done so by now. I am rather tired by now and though I appreciate company, I don’t really appreciate unannounced guests.” Well to be fair she did look a wee bit tired. Guess it was her age.

“Mam, actually I came here to ask you something. It is very important to me and my family.”

“Your family? How on earth would I know anything about your family?” She sounded awfully militant now. All her flightiness and alleged tiredness had vanished. Her eyes had taken on a sense of heightened awareness.

“Mam that Egyptian cruise you mentioned….?”

As usual never got to complete my sentence before the Old horse took over with one of her myriad topics from the cornucopia she held forth on easily.

“Are you a lovelorn little idiot or what? Speak up young man. I don’t have all the time in the world for you.”

A plethora of thoughts ran through my head as I tried to frame what I had to say.
Finally I decided to tackle her head on. “Mam, that Indian you met on your Egyptian cruise? Was his name Shamsher Singh?”

“Oh young man, how would I remember whom I met on a cruise so many years back?”

“Well Mam it would be very important for me to know if you do remember what his name was. I have come from India and tracked you through five states just to get the answer.”

“Do you think I’m a tattletale? It is bad manners to ask a lady about her previous relationships.”

“Well from what I have heard it wasn’t a relationship in the real sense of the term.”

“You have a very myopic understanding of the term relationship. You think only when a man and woman have an affair it is a relationship. Think beyond that young man.”

“Mam was his name Shamsher Singh? I am his grandson.”

“You are Sam’s grandson? Oh my….”

For a whole minute she was mute and then a tear rolled down her face.

“Mam please tell me, did he give you any papers on homogenous alloys. Please tell me it is very important. My entire family’s future depends on that.”

“He gave me something but it wasn’t papers. Told me to hang on to it and said his son would come get it from me. He never came and I have still hung on to it.”

She took out a chain from under her dress. It had a pendant kind of thing on it. She unhooked it and gave it to me.

I examined it. Well I’l be damned. My grandfather had digitalized the entire thing waaaaaaaay back in the Forties. Wow. Even I was speechless.

To be continued….

Posted by SMM on 17:27

Waaaah....I think someone has jinxed me for the past couple of months. Nothing seems to be going right at all. I say one thing people take it as something else. I have lost one of my favourite earrings in Cochin. The entire trip to Cochin also seemed to have been jinxed overall. Some friends ditched without informing me nor the bride. She was pissed to say the least especially since arrangements had also been made for them.

Lost my lovely green fountain pen which Arjun had gifted me. Didn't tell him. Sick and tired of telling him what I lost today. Bought a new one yesterday. Well baby now you know why I have not been using that green one for sometime now.

Lost my brand new phone on Thursday. Right outside my house. Yes that brand new one which I bought in July and told you all about it.People send me your numbers please. :(

Seems like small small things. But its all just adding up and I feel like someone has just jinxed me. I think I need to put a kala teeka (black mark) to ward off whosoever has cast his evil eye on me, guess the kajal (kohl) is not helping.
Btw Arjun and me are off to Cal tomorrow to celebrate Durga Puja. Happy Durga Puja everyone. And I shall keep my fingers crossed that nothing untoward happens. 
Please keep your fingers crossed too guys. I can't take losing anything more.

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