B for Backstabbing, Backbiting, Bitching

This is something I have never done. Today I shall thank A for teaching me so much about my life. I learnt about backbiters, backstabbers and bitches in my very first year of college.

A & me became very good friends in our 1st year. Being in Pune, away from family, missing familiar faces, we shared confidences and were joint at the hip. We were even called the Siamese twins sometimes. I was staying in a hostel at that time where I hated the food while she was staying with her sister (who was working) and they had brought a maid from home to cook and clean etc. Since her sister was working and I hated the food, I would most of the time end up eating home-cooked food at her place. We shared lots of confidences and told each other which guys we liked and what we would do to get asked out by them. Though we such good friends, I also soon made other friends - I had my hostel gang and my college gang and Bong gang and train gang, while A would always want to be with me. What I did not realize (I feel very stupid in hindsight) is that she was slowly trying to poison their minds against me since she was jealous of my friendship with others. When I realized her possessiveness, I explained to her that though I did have other friends she would be my best friend always and that she need not worry about hem. A always had lots of money to throw around - she would think nothing of walking into the really expensive shops and purchase a pair of sandals for 3000 bucks (something which I till date would think 20 times before I do so) while I would be thrilled with the 80 buck rope sandals I picked up from Hong Kong lane (No we did not go to Hong Kong - that was the lane for all the accessory shopping in Pune for college students). I was thrilled when my cousin came down to Pune one weekend and bought me a Wrangler jacket (which I still have though I have outgrown it now). I was naive (I'd like to believe so) enough to brush of her barbed comment about my worthless sandals that had not been bought for a 4-figure amount were completely ughhhhhh or that my bag (again from Hong Kong) was oh so cheappppp. She would bitch about others to me and I would tell her not to always talk negative about others. I had never seen all this before (despite being in a girl's school for 7 years) and did not recognize what this was all about and also did not want to lose her friendship. She told me tales of how the hottest dudes in college would message her all night and beg her for a date while she was spending all her time with me, and how the guy whom I really liked had asked her out for a date. I had just come from home and one night being very upset shared with her certain tings which I did not want others to know. Its not that I am ashamed, I just don't think everyone needs to everything about me.

Anyway the end to the longwinding tale is that she bitched about me to my other friends , turned them against me, told the guy I really liked that I was a neurotic bitch and was apparently seeing this other guy who was in fact just a good friend (cliched but true). This went on until I suddenly realized that I had become alienated from my friends excepting for a few though I couldn't understand why. One fine day in my 2nd year, one of her friends told me we needed to talk. Since I had never really spoken to him much I was wondering what he wanted to talk about and there was no way would I go on a date with him. it's he who told me that A had been going around telling the others about what I had apparently bitched about them (when it was actually her who had said it) and how I made very sarcastic comments about them and their families (I may make a comment at you yes, but your family never), how I was two-timing and even three-timing guy which is why I never had the time to meet my own friends etc etc. I can't even tell you how shell shocked I was to hear about this. I asked the guy how could I trust him. He said he had observed me for sometime and had figured that I was the person who if she had to say anything about anyone would say it to their face and not behind their back. He took me to meet the others who all confirmed what she had said. I was just so shocked and upset by what she had said. Everyone wanted to confront her. I told them to go ahead if they wanted but to keep me out of it. I told them I appreciated them and their friendship but this is something I needed to do alone. I did it. Unfortunately or maybe smartly I should say, she started crying and told me I was the bitch who had listened to what others had said about my one true friend and how noone liked me but tolerated me because of her. Sounds stupid today, but back in college it was a huuuuge big thing for me. I am glad that I saw sense and just left. After that I avoided her and when asked by anyone else about what went wrong, I told them that I didn't like people who did not know the meaning of friendship.

My Dad told me that if someone makes you feel bad about yourself, if its true then listen to them and if its not, then just immediately cut them off from my social circle. He also told me that i would not always have the option to cut them out of my life completely then to keep them at arm's length distance, talk about the weather and cricket with them and nothing more, nothing less and for not more than 5 minutes. today this is what I do in my professional life. I can;t cut out the backstabbers and backbiters unfortunately so I just keep to myself and carry on superficial conversation with them.

So today how I handle myself among the professionals in backbiting, backstabing and bitching is what I learnt in my experience with A, which is why I thank her.